IDIOTS

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A 2013 study conducted by a religious research institute says 27 percent of Americans believe God has a hand in determining which team wins the Super Bowl. IDIOTS!

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InnoMax Sleep Products (530 West Elk Place, Denver, CO 80216)

Really? I can save $375.94 (98%) on a bottle of Bubble Stop Solution? How can I pass up this savings? In fact a lot of InnoMax products use this ridiculous advertising scam. They are sleazy, and anyone who falls for this farce is an idiot.

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My new portable, clip-on, light came with an 18-page manual that explained, in three different languages, how to turn it on, how to turn it off, how to install it, and to "consult a qualified electrician" if I had any electrical questions. It is obviously a manual written by lawyers for total idiots.

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I purchased a Brinks combination lock. When I got home, I read the instructions on how to set the combination. The instructions has a fine print warning that states that the lock contains one or more chemicals known to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Then in bold-faced type it says."Wash hands after handling." WTF! I don't want to have to wash my hands everytime I lock or unlock it. Why would they even make and sell a padlock that contains cancer-causing chemicals and then hide the fact in fine print? They are beyond idiots.

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UNITED AIRLINES SUCKS! A friend visited me in Colorado from Florida and her return flight required that she change planes in Denver. The first flight was booked from Yampa Valley Airport near Steamboat Springs to Denver, where she had a two hour and fifty minute layover before catching her next flight back to the East Coast. Yampa Valley Airport is a two and a half hour drive to the west of where I live, and Denver International Airport (DIA) is a two and a half hour drive to the east of where I live. Since I had to go to Denver anyway, I suggested that I take her to DIA to meet her second flight because that would save me five hours of driving. She called United to cancel her flight out of Yampa Valley, and they said if she cancelled her flight from Yampa, they would also cancel her flight out of Denver, even though she had already paid for both flights and had tickets. United would not accommodate her request. They are incompetent IDIOTS!

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According to Newsweek (June 27, 2011), someone paid $3,154 for "Justin Timberlake's leftover French toast after a radio interview." And an even bigger IDIOT paid $40,668 for "Justin Bieber's post-haircut locks."

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For $1000 you can have your dog neutered and his real testicals replaced with fake ones so that your dog has that "natural" look. People actually do this? IDIOTS!

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May 28, 2011: A six-litre bottle of 1961 Chateau Latour was sold to a Chinese bidder at Christie's auction house for $222,851. IDIOT!

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May 6, 2011: Nearly 20 percent of all voters and 30 percent of Republicans still do not believe President Barack Obama was born in the United States, even after he released his long-form birth certificate. (IBOPE Zogby interactive survey) IDIOTS

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March 2011: THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE are flocking to the northern Swiss city of Basel to see a giant, stinky flower bloom for the first time. The amorphophallus titanum - known as corpse flower because it exudes a smell of rotting flesh - is the first to blossom in Switzerland in 75 years. The Basel Botanical Gardens expects the 6.6ft (2m) plant to attract 10,000 people whilst in bloom.

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AN AUGUST 2010 SURVEY by the Pew Research Center revealed that 34% of Republicans think Obama is Muslim and 43% of those polled didn't know what Obama's religion was. I wonder how many of these IDIOTS voted.

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A SAMPLING OF IDIOTS on July 4th, 2010:

• “Lady Gaga has 10 million Facebook fans.”

• “NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a recent interview that his "foremost" mission as the head of America's space exploration agency is to improve relations with the Muslim world.”

• “America has been the best country on earth for black folks.” Pat Buchanan 

• “My father wants to kill Obama!” When the kid’s teacher ask why, the kid replied, “Because he’s black!” (Middle-school student in rural Colorado)

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SUZUKI FUN CENTER: My motorcycle needed an oil change and state inspection, so I made an appointment for a Thursday morning, and I told them I would have to wait for it. I arrived at 10 AM, prepared to wait for a couple of hours, but at the last minute a friend of mine picked me up so I would not have to wait. Around 3 PM I called to see if my bike was ready. After some checking, the service manager said, "We just got our state inspection stickers, so we should have it done by Saturday." I said, "Are you serious? I only wanted an oil change and inspection." He replied that they were a little behind and I should call on Saturday. Two weeks later, and three days before I was leaving for Colorado for the summer, it was finally ready. When I picked up the bike, it wouldn't run. I talked to the owner and he promised they would clean the carbs and deliver the bike to my home-no charge. Three days later they still had not fixed it, so I told them they had another three months to fix it because I was leaving for Colorado. When I returned from Colorado three months later, they still had not started on it. They took another two weeks to fix it. And when they finally delivered it (approximately four months after I took it in for an oil change) it was missing my leather saddle bags. I rode it back to the dealership to find my saddle bags and then for about 150 miles, but it didn't sound right. I checked the oil. Empty!!! They had never put any new oil in it after draining it and putting on the new filter. If I could sue them, I would, but apparently they have either gone out of business or been sold to someone else. Totally Incompetent IDIOTS!

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HOW LAZY ARE WE GETTING? I was reading a review of Apple’s iPad and how it runs iPhone apps. The reviewer complained that, because of the iPad’s larger screen (9.7-inch), the app runs in the center of the screen, and “… It’s a pain to reach all the way to the center of the iPad’s screen to tap on the app.” IDIOT!

Some people I know just had their house burn down. For some reason a collection of their photos was spared. A few of their friends wrote to them saying that God was looking out for them by saving their photos. Someone else said that God was with them all the time. Well, if God was with them all the time and was looking out for them, why did he let their house burn down and just save their photos? IDIOTS!

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BBC NEWS (11-28-09): Indonesia's Communication and Information Minister, Tifatul Sembiring, (try saying that ten times) has blamed Indonesia's recent string of natural disasters on people's immorality. More likely it was Sembiring's stupidity. IDIOT

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HEALTH INSURANCE: I've tried to stay out of the debate, knowning that my two-cents worth would not change anything. However, I just got the statement from my insurance company for a recent MRI. The hospital billed my insurance company $3,699.00 for the procedure. My insurance company only "allowed" $1,072.71, which is what they paid. The hospital accepted that as payment in full. However, had I not had health insurance, I would have been billed the full amout of $3,699. Do you think the hospital would have settled for $1,072,71 from me? No way. This convinced me that the only people who are against universal health care are the people who already have health care.

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A RECENT GALLOP POLL reported that 65% of Republicans would consider voting for Sara Palin for president, but only 58% of them think she is qualified. Duh...

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WHAT RECESSION? In the fall of 2008, at the height of the economic crisis, my school’s board of trustees gave our college president a 12.5% raise. Every employee (except the president and some senior staff) has since had a salary reduction of approximately 7%. The Trustees also approved $100,000, to be taken from the education fund, for four giant 8' balls to adorn the campus. Their justification? “In this sculptural work, Cole explores scale and tangibility with wit and immediacy. Comprised of four large spheres representing digital pixels, Cole effectively uses the building blocks of the digital realm and merges them into the many media that will be taught and learned in the new Art & IMM Building. By enlarging the pixels and making them solid in the literal sense, Cole demands that the viewer reconsider the very essence of how things in general, and art in particular, are made.” Hey, IDIOTS, they are four large balls costing $25,000 each.

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FREE SPEECH: A Sri Lankan astrologer was arrested in June for predecting that the Sri Lanka government would flounder in September and October. And we thought our politicians were paranoid IDIOTS...

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CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION: In 2008 someone paid 2.1 million dollars to have lunch with Warren Buffet. In 2009, due to the recession, the winning bid to have lunch with Warren was only 1.68 million. Tough times are evident, and so are IDIOTS!

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COMMUNICATION: “I'd like to spend a few minutes today at our staff meeting acclimating you to the synthesis that we've done, highlighting the decisions made, changes incorporated so that you are able to review as effectively as possible in advance of our follow-up full team review next week.” This was an actual sentence from a corporate email, forwarded to me by a former student, as an example of “bureaucratic speak.” It is an often-observed malady of bureaucracy that, in an attempt to sound important, managers phrase simple concepts in convoluted ways. Instead of saying that he or she was going to bring members up-to-date on recent changes, the manager tried to make a lot out of not much. And in doing so, he or she wrote a poorly structured, poorly punctuated, and grammatically incorrect sentence. It is also one of the reasons why the original Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 (bailout) went from three pages to 451 pages before it was passed. IDIOTS!

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HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION: For the last 19 years, in my townhouse patio, I have had bird feeders hanging from two “Shepherd"s hooks.” Ten feet behind my patio is a wooded area. The homeowner"s association just sent me a notice of violation. It seem that a “site inspection” by a team of anal, Nazi bureaucrats, noticed that one of my feeders was protruding 19” beyond my fence into the common area, although it is 7' above the ground and the hooks are inside my fence. Their letter says I'm in violation of Declaration, Section 16.02 (h); “No Unit Owner or occupant may obstruct the Common Elements in any way.” I guess there must be blind people, who are over 7 feet tall, wandering around by the woods. IDIOTS!

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ESCAPEE: Sunday, March 8, 2008: Jail guards in Woodbine, Georgia were searching for an escaped inmate, and caught him sneaking back into prison. Guards spotted Harry Jackson, 25, trying to sneak back in to prison with 14 packs of cigarettes allegedly stolen from a nearby store. Jackson now faces new charges of breaking out of prison and burglary, reported AP news agency. IDIOT!

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CALLING GOD: Dutch people leave messages on God's Hotline! Dutch people are now making phone calls to God. People who call God"s phone number hear the message, "This is the voice of God. I am not able to speak to you at the moment, but please leave a message." According to BBC news (Saturday, March 7, 2009), the hotline has been active for a week, with 1,000 messages left on the answering machine. IDIOTS!

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SENSATIONALIZING THE NEWS: “The US economy shrank by 6.2% in the last three months of 2008, official figures show, sending stocks spiraling lower.” This headline was flashed on my computer screen by a BBC News link that gives me world news updates. Upon reading the article, further along it stated: “In 2008 as a whole, the economy grew by 1.1%, the slowest pace since 2001.” I'm willing to bet a year's salary that no media outlet or politician in the world considered using the headline; “The U.S. Economy Grew By 1.1% in 2008.”

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FIRE!: It is common knowledge that you don't yell “FIRE” in a crowded theatre, and for good reason. If someone does yell fire, it will make the situation worse. People will get hurt, even if there is no fire. So why do all of the politicians and media keep yelling fire? For the media, it"s the kind of news that sells. For politicians, it makes them feel important and needed, and gives them opportunities to fund all kinds of outrageous pork projects and bailouts that essentially buy votes, under the guise of saving our asses. “They” are idiots, they've always been idiots, and apparently there is nothing you nor I can do about it.

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APPLIANCES: I was passing the appliance center at Sears when I saw a washer/dryer set on sale for $2,800, and that's not including sales tax. What does it do, other than wash and dry your clothes? I had to replace my dryer after 17 years, and I paid $275 for it. My washer is still going strong after 19 years. Why would anyone pay almost $3000 for a washer and dryer unless it washed and dried your clothes instantly without having to undress. Anyone who pays that much for a washing machine and dryer is an IDIOT!

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GARMIN NUVI: I paid $70 for the 2009 map update for my Garmin Nuvi 350 GPS. I would have been better off giving the $70 to a deaf mute and asking for directions. On my first trip using it, I was following its directions down a county road which turned out to be a private driveway. The owner came out and said that a lot of people using Garmins were ending up in his drive way, and that he had written numerous letters about it to no avail. Later, I checked it for places to eat to see if two of my favorite restaurants, where I've been eating for the last 25 years, were mentioned. The 2009 map update didn't know about them. Most recently I was in Warmnister, PA and decided to look for a WalMart. It directed me to 100 E. Street Road where a large building was sitting vacant. The Garmin then said there was another WalMart location in Horsham, PA at 200 Blair Mill Road. There wasn't! I gave it another try, and ten minutes later I was in front of a large empty warehouse at 1001 S. York Road in Hatboro, PA that didn't look like it had ever been a WalMart, at least not in this decade. The fourth and final try led me to 3925 Welsh Road in Willow Grove, PA. It was a Sam's Club. No WalMart there. IDIOTS!

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FIRESTONE: The left rear tire on my 07 Prius was leaking air, and I was having to put air in it every two days, so I went to Firestone Tire to have it checked. After about an hour they told me that it was unfixable and I needed a new tire. However they didn't have a tire to match the ratings of the other three tires on my car, so they said I would have to get four new tires. I declined their generous offer and drove over to the local Toyota service center to make an appointment. It was after 4 PM, but they told me they would look at it. Thirty minutes later they had repaired my tire–no charge. Toyota gets an A+++, Firestone gets an F. Idiots!

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SWEEPSTAKES: After renting a movie from Blockbuster, I happen to read one of the two receipts they gave me that were almost as long as the movie. One of them contained, among other things, the headline: WANNA GET AWAY SWEEPSTAKES. The details said, “Log on to mycokerewards.com for details on how you could win a trip to Cleveland, Ohio, complements of Southwest Airlines.” Now that would be a dream come true. Evidently Southwest Airlines has some empty seats going to Cleveland. But you must be a legal resident of the US. Can"t have any foreigners getting a free trip to Cleveland. IDIOTS!

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SEARS SALE: In my e-mail in-box there was a message from Sears with the subject, “Final Two Days: Lowest Prices Of The Season.” Okay, I like Sears, so I clicked on it and read through all of the items/categories that had “bargain” prices. However, nowhere in the ad did it tell me what two days they were talking about. I went to the local Sears store and asked them. They didn't know either. IDIOTS!

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VERIZON: Because I was getting a lot of unwanted phone calls at home from telemarketers, in spite of being on the do-not-call list, I decided to take advantage of Verizon's Call Intercept feature. For an additional $5.40 a month it blocks calls from "unknown" sources on my caller ID. I logged into my Verizon account, reviewed the features that I currently have for my phone and added the Call Intercept feature and the 900 blocking feature. I clicked on the "next" button to confirm my choices and a screen appeared asking me for my phone number. Hello! If Verizon doesn't know my phone number, especially after logging in to my Verizon phone account, then something is seriously wrong. IDIOTS!

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BROOKSTONE: I purchased a set of "xstream water nozzles" from Brookstone for my garden hose. One is called "Power xstream: A strong blast for car, boat or driveway." The other is called "Multi xstream: 9 adjustable water settings for any garden job." They came packed with silica gel desiccant to protect them from moisture. Hmmmm.... IDIOTS!

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PRAY AT THE PUMP: When gasoline hit $4 a gallon back in April of 2008, a group, calling themselves, Pray At The Pump, started meeting at gas stations around the country and praying for lower gas prices. Later in the summer, when gas prices dropped by 20 cents a gallon, the group claimed that God had answered their prayers. IDIOTS!

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HOLIDAYS: It was November 17th, an unusually warm 70-degree day when I opened my mail box to find that someone had already sent me a Christmas card. I thought holiday cards were supposed to be sent for holidays. You don"t give people birthday cards six weeks before their birthday, so why do it with Christmas cards? Then, the next day I went to the Mall and saw Christmas lights, Christmas music and kids sitting on Santa"s lap getting their photos taken. Perhaps next summer we will have Fourth of July fireworks in May. IDIOTS!

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DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES: After a brief panic at not being able to find my driver's license, I decided to calm down and look into getting a replacement. I logged on to my state's DMV web site and located the "Frequently Asked Questions" link. There was my question and the answer. I had to download a form, fill it out, get it notarized and mail it to the DMV along with a fee. I recalled that the last time I got something notarized, I had to show my driver's license, but I figured I could get around that problem. The first question on the DMV replacement driver's license form I downloaded was, "Driver's License Number:_____________." Do they think people memorize their driver's license number? Idiots! I went back to the DMV web site and clicked on "contact us" to send them an e-mail. Before I could send them an e-mail, I needed to fill out my name, address, e-mail address and, you guessed it, driver's license number. Bureaucratic IDIOTS!

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SEGATE: I purchased a Seagate 6-GB Pocket Drive - which sounds like a bad pickup line in a bar. ("Would you like to see my pocket drive?") This is a small drive that, according to the container, is PC and Mac compatible. I already owned a SanDisk flash drive that I use to transfer data between my Mac at home and the PC in my office, but it is no longer big enough for the data I have. The Seagate seemed perfect until I actually tried to use it to move some data from my Mac to my PC. The PC wouldn't recognize it. After much troubleshooting, I took the drive home and found it would no longer work on my Mac. I contacted Seagate and described the problem. They informed me that their drive could not be used to transfer data between a PC and a Mac without corrupting the drive. But, I complained, the box said it was Mac and PC compatible. IDIOTS!

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CARPET TAPE: I'd been having trouble with my throw rugs not staying where I put them. I don't think that they move on their own, but for some reason they never stay where I put them for very long. So I went to WalMart in search of carpet tape. Sure enough they had it. I went home and opened my carpet tape package. When I read the directions, it said, "Do not use on carpet." IDIOTS!

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HAULING HAY: In front of me three big tractor-trailer loads of bailed hay were slowly wending their way up the long hill on California State Highway 58 between Bakersfield and Barstow. It was a hot July day and I wondered where the hay had been cut and where it was going. I'd seen nothing but irrigated lettuce fields and grape orchards on my trip from Salinas. Now I was getting impatient at not being able to pass the trucks on this two-lane road.

Finally we crested the hill and there was an opportunity to pass. But looking ahead, I saw another three big tractor-trailer loads of hay coming the opposite way. As they passed us I could only wonder if this was some sort of government operation, because only a really large, non-profit bureaucracy could be expected to ship large quantities of something from point A to point B while at the same time shipping equal quantities of the same thing from point B to point A. Somewhere there has definitely been a breakdown in the supply and demand process. IDIOTS!

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TOURISTS: Sunset at the Grand Canyon is rumored to be a spectacular event; so waiting to see it seemed like the proper thing to do. It had been a clear, cloud-free day and, to my recollection, all of the really memorable sunsets I'd seen involved clouds. But against my better judgment, I decided to wait it out. Besides, there were hundreds of other tourists sitting along the canyon rim waiting for the same thing, so I was guilty of what I call the Sheep Syndrome.

The sun, a large bright fire ball sitting low in a cloudless sky, slowly disappeared below the horizon, accompanied by the equally slow disappearance of color and light. It was the most unspectacular sunset I've ever seen–equivalent to very slowly turning down the rheostat on a light. Suddenly everyone was applauding the event–as if it was the first sunset they had ever seen. It was like applauding the tide going out or a full moon. Then, after the sun had disappeared, many tourists began pointing their cameras down into the canyon and taking flash photos. Now unless you have a flash attachment that is a billion candlepower, taking a flash photo into the Grand Canyon after the sun has set is like fishing without a pole or line. The result you get is nothing. IDIOTS!

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SUE JOHNSON: I stopped at a Native American jewelry sale tent just east of the Grand Canyon. There was an impressive array of items made by the locals on the Navajo Reservation. I found a few things to purchase and ended up in a conversation with the Navajo woman who sold me the items. I asked her what her name was, and she said "Sue Johnson." She certainly looked about as Navajo as one can look, so I thought surely it was a joke. "No," she replied, "that is my name." Then she explained that her grandfather had enlisted as a volunteer when WWII started. The recruiter, who evidently was an idiot, could not begin to pronounce the Navajo name, and so he told the Navajo man,  "Your name is now Johnson." The Navajo soldier kept the name Johnson for the rest of his life, and now there are many Navajo descendants named Johnson. I know that it was not uncommon for immigrants arriving at Ellis Island to have their names recorded in a more pronounceable way, so I shouldn't be surprised that the US Army was doing the same thing in 1940. I hope it's not still happening.