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Volume 16, Spring 2004 |
Lifestyles
Finding Their Scene: Socializing Within Gay and Lesbian Culture
Lifestyles Editor
Students from The College of New Jersey have a plethora of choices when it comes to finding a place to party on a Friday night. While many freshman steer towards the fraternity scene and a majority of older students can be found at local bars, the scene around The College of New Jersey leaves many students out. Various minorities will not find their crowd at any given combination of Slocum's, Katmandu, or Buddy Shamrocks. They will not find their crowd at most of the bars in local destinations such as New Hope, Pa. or Princeton, N.J.
Homosexuals have to look harder and travel further to find their own scene.
Homosexuals have to look harder and travel further to find their own scene. This culture can be found at nearly every college in America and their methods of socializing and dating are quite different from the straight majority. For most, Greek parties would not cater to their particular lifestyle, nor would they rarely find an emotional connection at these events. One of the few gay bars near The College of New Jersey, the Cartwheel, is located in New Hope, Pa., is primarily for an older crowd. Gays and lesbians usually have to travel to a larger metropolis such as Philadelphia and New York City, to find a larger dating pool.
Nightclubs and bars
Similar to their straight counterparts, many queer college students find that nightclubs and bars are a great place to search for a connection with someone of the same sex.
Kristyn Mugrauer is a senior Hotel, Restaurant and Tourism Management major at New Mexico State University (NMSU). Mugrauer has experienced the gay scene in New Mexico, Texas and Philadelphia.
"There is no gay scene in Las Cruces, but there is one in El Pas , Texas that everybody mainly goes to-the OP," Mugrauer said. "The OP is a really good club and a lot of fun. The people there are friendly and nice. I've made a few friends there, but haven't met anybody I'd be interested in dating there."
'The club scene tends to be a place for more of immediate action.'
"I personally have had no luck in successfully finding someone for a relationship at a club," said Giovanni Buscetta, senior Global Business and Marketing major at Rider University. "When I go to clubs, my main objective is not to meet my future boyfriend, nor is it to find someone to 'hook-up' with. Many find the club a great place to find people for relationship. The club scene tends to be a place for more of immediate action."
"The clubs tend to be the same no matter what city you go to," Buscetta said. "It basically has a large dance area, a DJ section, maybe one or two other small dance areas featuring different types of music, and a few bar areas to purchase drinks and to socialize."
Meredith Warburton is a junior Hospitality Management Business Administration major at Johnson and Wales University. Warburton has had several dating experiences with girls that she has met at nightclubs, but still offers concerns about meeting people you are unfamiliar with.
"The club scene is a great place to pick someone up if you just want a one night stand or anything to that effect," Warburton said. "However, meeting someone at a club that you don't know one thing about can be dangerous."
Dating online
While online, students can chat with other gay and lesbian students all over the country to find common bonds as friends and future partners.
Not everyone enjoys bars and nightclubs, and for those homosexuals that don't like to dance or be surrounded by alcohol, the internet has become somewhat of a comfort zone. While online, students can chat with other gay and lesbian students all over the country to find common bonds as friends and future partners. They can keep their privacy to some extent and it becomes a huge stepping stone for most homosexuals.
In this more relaxed environment, daters can talk to a variety of people at once and are not immediately confronted with having to interact on the spot. They can control what they say, the information and the pictures they provide, and to some extent, whom they are with.
When asked about her experiences with online dating, Mugrauer said, "I feel it's a lot easier and better. I hit the clubs now and then but you can mainly only find the gay scene in the clubs in El Paso; so if you don't like to go clubbing you're screwed."
"I've found that online is an easy way to met people," Mugrauer added. "I met my last ex online and few other people all on planetout.com actually."
"I have used the dating services at planetout.com and gay.com, I have found friends there because I think it would be beneficial to have more homosexual friends so I have more people I can relate and understand," Buscetta said.
"Intelligence and a great personality are important, but our initial attraction usually has more to do with how a person looks. So it's important that you upload your best picture." This is advice given by the gay dating Web site, Planetout.com. Planetout.com, xy.com and gay.com all have areas on their Web site where users can search for profiles, by age, location and sex. The most popular feature is the fact that the search can be done to find profiles that only provide pictures, which feeds into the materialistic values of the culture. When daters depend on images alone, it is important to get as many pictures as possible to judge what the person looks like without seeing them.
'Dating online is fun and in many cases, effective.'
At the Web site cyberdatenow.com, author Jessica McFarlane gives some sound advice to make online dating safe. "The Internet is an increasingly popular dating service, several years ago, people that that dating online was strange and unheard of, but not anymore," McFarlane wrote. "Dating online is fun and in many cases, effective. It is easy to become wrapped up in the magic of Internet dating, but you must keep yourself safe too."
These are some of the most important online dating tips that McFarlane listed:
- Never give out personal information until you're positive it's safe.
- Women- do not give out your phone number right away. You can call your date collect.
- Don't cyber date a married person.
- Remember to go outside once in awhile. Don't lose sight of reality.
- When you meet someone, meet them in public and take someone with you.
Activism
Through activism, either in a main city or at the college level, homosexuals can expand their social circle.
A hugely untapped resource to meet homosexuals is through activism and group organizations. Most campuses have a homosexual organization, which through a variety of programming, creates a safe learning environment. Through activism, either in a main city or at the college level, homosexuals can expand their social circle and possibly date through this crowd.
Mugrauer is also the co-president of the only gay and lesbian organization on-campus, L.G.B.F. (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Friends) at NMSU.
"Our main focus at L.G.B.F. are panels, it is when the community of gay people come to a classroom and introduce themselves and talk about their lives, students can ask the panelists anything," Mugrauer said. "We also spread diversity, acceptance and understanding. I'm proud to be a part of L.G.B.F because we provide a safe hate-free environment, for everyone not just those with a same-sex sexual preference but any type of diversity."
Buscetta has also found comfort and friendship through local activism; he is vice-president and treasurer of F.L.A.G. (Friends of Lesbians and Gays) at Rider University. This organization is a support group for homosexuals and has a fairly large membership.
"Many of the people at Rider are not very open," Buscetta said. "Many of them remain 'in the closet' perhaps in fear. Rider does have F.L.A.G. but usually the people who attend are regulars. It seems to me that people who are [of] higher status, seniors and juniors, seem to be more out and open than those of lower status, freshman."
College students involved in activism, whether it is on a local or national level, can find gratification in the fact that they are making a change. This change can be united with gay-friendly heterosexuals, for we all benefit from diversity and acceptance. It is easy to become disheartened with the materialistic gay scene, the glitz and glamour of the gay bars and clubs. Activism can become a good outlet to balance with the overcrowded bars and clubs.
Conclusion
It can be hard for homosexuals to find their scene and meet new people, but the opportunities are out there.
It can be hard for homosexuals to find their scene and meet new people, but the opportunities are out there, if you just know where to look. Getting involved with local activist groups, finding clubs that are more your style, and exploring the world of online dating are just a few of the social outlets available to gay and lesbian community. No matter what your interest, there are groups out there to fit your needs, and people just waiting to meet you.
John Kell is a senior journalism major, women and gender studies minor at The College of New Jersey. John also works as the Lifestyles Editor for unbound; this is his first article to be published in the Lifestyles section.