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Gaining Confidence for College:
One Person's Journey
by LeDerick
Horne
I finally became a student after I graduated from high school. I started
my journey as a college student at Middlesex County College in the
fall of 1996. I was a very intimidated 18-year-old freshman with serious
doubts that I would be able to survive college-level work. By the
time I got to Middlesex I had developed a real fear of schools.
School had been the place where I felt inferior, awkward, and unwanted.
It was in school at the age of nine that I had realized that I had
trouble with spelling, reading, and math. It was in school that I
was laughed at and belittled for not being able to do the same work
as my peers, and it was in school that I was placed in special education
classes that left me feeling segregated from both the mainstream student
body and the opportunities that a mainstreamed education make possible.
Like heavy textbooks placed in a book-bag, I carried my fears of school
with me to college.
Overcoming
Fears
Making the transition from high school to college is difficult for
every young person, but as a young person with a learning disability
I remember feeling as if my whole life was on the line and that I
might not be able to rise to the challenge. For most of my time in
high school I had felt that I was just getting by. The closer I got
to graduation, the more frightened I became at the thought of what
was going to happen to me once school was over. I could hardly write
a grammatically correct sentence, I had trouble reading aloud, and
my ability to do math was extremely limited. I lay awake at night
worrying that I would only be able to find work as a janitor or a
carpenter if I was lucky.
By my junior year the thought of not
being able to make a living with my mind drove me into a deep depression.
I questioned the value of my life and became extremely frustrated
with the limited options my education had left me. I sank lower and
lower and lower until I hit an emotional bottom.
It was at that point that I decided I had to at least try to overcome
the negative perceptions that I had of my future. I decided that I
would wrestle with my fears and not let them stop me from reaching
my fullest potential. So, as graduation approached, I began to tell
others and myself that I wanted to give college a chance.
Finding the Right Program
I enrolled at Middlesex County College based upon the advice of my
high school child study team. Knowing that I had the desire to go
to college and aware that my academic skills were very low, the child
study team recommended that I start my collegiate education there
because the college had a support program designed to offer additional
help to students with documented learning disabilities. The program
was called Project Connections. The child study team felt that I had
a good chance of being accepted as a student because I showed a great
desire to be in college and I had been mainstreamed for some classes
during my senior year of high school. After filling out the application,
with help from my guidance counselor and my mother, I submitted it
to the college and was invited to an interview by a member of Project
Connection’s staff. The interview gave project staff an opportunity
to see with their own eyes whether or not I had what it took to make
it in college. I remember sitting in the interview thinking “not
another psychologist trying to figure me out!” But, even with
my less than ideal disposition, I was accepted into Project Connections.
Even before I stepped foot on campus, I understood that Middlesex
was not just another school. Middlesex County College was an opportunity
for me. It was an opportunity to reinvent myself, to pursue my fullest
potential, and to begin developing the skills that would define my
future.
My first year as a Project Connections student completely transformed
me. I was assigned a counselor who helped me to understand my disability
from many different perspectives. One of our first sessions together
involved us reading through every Individual Education Program (IEP)
report that had ever been written about me. For the first time in
my life someone actually explained to me what my disability was and
taught me strategies to circumvent my academic shortcomings. My confidence
as a student doubled — no tripled — as I began to understand
the unique way my mind worked. My counselor explained to me what accommodations
were and how they would help me with my reading and spelling problems.
For the first time I used books-on-tape for my textbooks, and I used
word processing software with a spell check to improve my spelling.
I took most of my exams in a distraction-free testing room and was
given time and a half to complete them. Testing in this way helped
to remove the anxiety that I had felt when I had to take a test in
the classroom with everyone else.
Supports Make a Difference
Project Connections also had an amazing adaptive technology lab. There
were software programs that could translate my voice into text, and
even machines that could scan any page of text and read it aloud.
I remember feeling that with all the support from the Project Connection’s
staff and with access to their adaptive technology lab, there would
be very little I could not learn.
By the end of my first year of college I was excelling in all of my
classes. I had learned how to write proper sentences, essays, and
research papers. I also began writing and performing spoken word poetry
throughout the tri-state area (Editor’s note: see page 6 for
a sample of the author’s poetry). Despite my earlier experiences,
math became a discipline that I was pretty proficient in, so I started
thinking about declaring myself a math major.
The best part of all my successes as a college student was that I
was doing the same work, in the same classes, with the same professors
as everyone else on campus. The stigma of “Special Ed”
was gone and I was learning how to stand up for myself in the classroom.
I got to the point that I could tell my professors exactly what kind
of accommodations I needed to be successful in their classes.
I stayed at Middlesex for five years until I had enough credits to
transfer to a four-year college. I eventually decided to transfer
to New Jersey City University (NJCU) to finish my undergraduate studies
in mathematics. NJCU was an ideal institution for me because it was
a relatively small school with an excellent support program for students
with learning disabilities called Project Mentor. Project Mentor offered
me much of the same support that I had found at Middlesex, but by
the time I got to NJCU I had developed to the point that the only
regular help I needed was a second pair of eyes to proof-read my written
assignments. I spent two years at NJCU and graduated with honors in
the spring of 2003 with a B.A. in Mathematics and a minor in Fine
Art.
Valuable Advice
In conclusion, I would like to give some advice to all the students
who are reading this article and preparing to make that very intimidating
transition from high school to college. The first thing I need to
tell all of you is Know Your IEP. Having a clear
understanding of your learning disability is the first step to advocating
for yourself and gaining control over your life. You need to know
how your particular strengths and weaknesses affect your ability to
learn. So make sure you have a copy of your IEP and take the time
to read it. If you need help understanding any part of it, ask your
teachers, guidance counselors, or child study team members to explain
it to you.
Second, if you are
thinking about going to college you have to prepare for it.
Take as many mainstream classes as you possibly can. The experience
you get in those classes will help you handle the work you will have
to do in college. You may have to fight with your child study team,
but it is a fight worth having. It is important to remember that your
education is your education. Taking control of the classes you take
is one of the first steps in taking control of your life.
Third, make sure you go to a school that is right for you.
You will waste a lot of time and money if you do not do your homework
before deciding on a college. Different schools will offer you different
experiences, environments, and supports. It is important that you
have a clear understanding of what you will need to be successful
and find a school that will meet those needs. I am a person who likes
small schools where you can have more contact with your professors
and get extra help if you need it. I also like having the support
of a program for students with learning disabilities. Some of you
may work better in big schools with less support for your disability,
but it is important to know what you need before
you decide on a school.
And the last thing I have to say to all the students out there is
There Is Nothing Wrong With You! I remember growing
up in special education classes and thinking that I was crazy, stupid,
and worthless. Our population is filled with extremely intelligent
and artistic people who happen to process information differently
than the “average” person. We are all different in some
way, shape or form, and the sooner you can understand your differences
and embrace them, the better off you will be.
LeDerick Horne is a guest contributor to this issue of TECH-NJ.
